~~~~ Mentally Chill ~~~~
Sometimes life can get you down when you try your hardest and it just never gets you quite as far as you needed to go. At these times some might say: look at the bright side, think positive, or focus on the solution rather than the problem... and these are all very good sayings. But just how can you do this when you are knee-deep in the muck of life and you don't feel that there IS a bright side, you CAN'T think, and in that moment there IS NO comprehensive solution? That situation requires something bigger... something stronger and more motivating than any old adage or witty set of words. These times call for a new state of mind, and once you've found it then you will understand what its like to be... Mentally Chill!
It all started for me at the age of 25. Life seemed to be going along just fine and everything was fitting in its proper place. I had, had one failed marriage but was just beginning a wonderful new life with my dream girl. It was as if we had wasted no time at all because starting off we each had a beautiful baby boy (from our previous marriages) and already had our very own little princess after only our first year together. One short year after that, we had our final "surprise" package delivered, containing our third baby boy! - OK he is beautiful too!
I was starting a new business and we had huge plans for the bright future of our wonderful family. In our minds, it was to be the greatest true-love story of our time! We well understood that the coined "Disney" happily ever afters were only for the movies, and that we would have some real hurdles to jump. But we were going to do it together, and in perfect unison with two babies strapped on each of our backs!
The few minor details that we overlooked were:
- That 75% of all second marriages nowadays, FAIL, due to the fact that each party (whether they know it or not) brings all of their bagage from the first train-wreck that they survived, right to the scene of a (soon-to-be) multiple vehicle collusion and set up camp on the shoulder to wait for the action to begin. ~ I do not care who you are, or what the circumstances may have been - If you have been involved in a marriage that ends in a divorce, and you do-not get some serious help before you remarry, at some point in the beginning of your second marriage you WILL find yourself having the same argument that you had over-and-over with your Ex, only this time its with your new spouse! You will be forced at that time to painfully realize that it is imposable that all those previous fights were entirely your Ex's fault, because your Ex is not involved now and is nowhere to be seen! ~
- That it is an entirely different experience raising a step-child, than it is raising a natural child. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that you love them any less! It is simply a different experience: Sometimes there are more adults involved in the decision making for the child. The personality of the child reflects that of an entirely different family, one that as the new spouse, you know absolutely noting about. The raw emotions of jealousy and insecurity seem to be working at their peek inside of each family member in this situation. Its just a little harder to see eye-to-eye and bond with a step-child with all of the negative circumstances surrounding the relationship. (The good news is that it is not impossible!)
- That approximately 5.4 million people in the USA are living with a mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder, and Bipolar II affects about 5.7 million people in the USA... even more so, my beautiful wife just happens to be fortunate enough to be part of both groups! Now, the fact that my wife has both of these illnesses is not a problem at all, the major problem was concealed in the outright negligence of the mental health care system, and the outright ignorance that most of society has when it comes to mental illness in general!
With all of these obstacles in our way, it would be no wonder if my BLOG was riddled with woe and the anguish of yet another failed marriage, out of control kids, and the involvement of even more step-parents. Worse yet... with the lack of information and support from the "experts" that my family had at the time of diagnosis for my Wife's illnesses, it would be almost expected that our story would end in certain tragedy. Thankfully, it does not... on either account!
Our story is one of triumph and is an example of what humans can accomplish when their motives are focused in the right direction. I cannot even begin to say that we do not continue to have our fair share of struggles and problems to deal with, but I can emphatically say that we are out of the "danger zone" when it comes to working through them together. One thing is for sure, our family history thus far has been interesting and exciting and as far as I'm concerned... our adventure is just beginning!
Thanks for visiting, stick around and subscribe to my BLOG and join our ever-growing E-family!
Aj
